Answering Two of Life's Most Difficult Questions

by Tom Hinton

At a recent workshop I conducted on The Course of 10,000 Days™, one participant asked me, "What do you think life’s most difficult questions are?" It’s a topic I’ve been studying, researching, and teaching for more than twenty years. As people reach their mid-forties and early fifties, I am finding they begin to ask themselves serious questions about their life purpose and what it takes to achieve their life goals. Certainly, this quest is more than just another passing phase for aging Baby Boomers.

What I have found amongst my generation is the older we get, the more profound the questions become. Eventually, the twin issues of achieving our human potential and living a life worth remembering become a central focus for many people. This is one reason why self-help books, personal development courses, and workshops like The Course of 10,000 Days™ have become so popular in recent years. Everybody is searching for answers to life’s most difficult questions.

I’ve concluded there are actually two questions that are the most difficult for people to answer. I say this because it’s important to understand that human beings have two dimensions -- a physical dimension and a spiritual dimension. This is why there are two most difficult questions to answer; one for each realm of our existence, physical and spiritual.

To answer the first of life’s most difficult questions, we should start in the physical realm because it is through our physical dimension that our spiritual essence is revealed. From a physical perspective, life’s most difficult question is this: How do I become the person I want to be?

In The Course of 10,000 Days™ we teach people that there are three steps to achieving our human potential and becoming the person we want to be. The first step is Acceptance of who I am. While no one is perfect, each of us has unique attributes and talents that we have been given. The challenge is to discover those talents and develop them. Too many people trudge through life without ever discovering their greatness. Instead, they focus on their imperfections and limitations. The principle of Acceptance of Self gets us out of the rut of self-pity and moves us into action by conducting a thorough self-assessment of our strengths and limitations. I have found that once people begin to understand their strengths and weaknesses, they can take action to overcome any obstacle and achieve their life goals.

The second step is Life Focus. A good portion of The Course of 10,000 Days™ retreat is devoted to helping people identify their goals and dreams, and then developing a written plan of action to achieve them. During The Course™ retreat, attendees form groups of five-to-six people known as “B-HAGs” (an acronym for Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal-setters). This process includes setting written personal and professional goals as well as weekly conference calls lasting 45-minutes to review each participant’s goals and progress towards their goals. B-HAGs also use visual aids such as Dream Boards and complete a comprehensive 90-day review session with our instructors. In this way, people create a “no-excuse” environment for themselves and force themselves to stay focused on achieving their goals. Frankly, it’s hard work to change behavior and pursue our dreams. But, for those who follow the process, I can tell you it works!

The third and final step is Good Vibrations. If you listen to the Beach Boys’ classic hit record from 1966, you’ll appreciate the positive, feel good lyrics. It’s no different in real life. We have found that it’s not enough to merely accept yourself and set goals. Ultimately, you need to change certain behavior to create your desired outcomes. You need to act! This means that you need to closely examine your daily routine, your circles of influence, and the routine things you are doing today that either promote or inhibit your success.

Let me give you an example of how it works. One of The Course™ participants at a recent retreat was named Jackie, a very pleasant, intelligent woman in her late-forties with a good sales job at a large retail company in New York City. After being divorced six years ago, Jackie wanted to find a man to share her life and have some fun. During The Course™, we introduced Jackie to the Good Vibrations concept. She told us about her daily routine, her friends, and her circles of influence. Jackie also told us that she spent most evenings alone at home reading books or watching television. She rarely ventured out to social events. She also commented that her three best friends also were divorced. Interestingly, when the friends got together, the conversation invariably dissolved into a male-bashing critique and why their ex-husbands were to blame for all life’s shortcomings and miseries.

While Jackie’s behavior was understandable, her counselor at The Course™ explained to her that it wasn’t helping her achieve her primary goal, that is, to meet Mr. Right. We introduced Jackie to the Good Vibrations concept and suggested several safe, non-threatening activities she could pursue to expand her social circle and even do things on her own that would get her out and about town. Jackie said she enjoyed skiing and reading. So, she joined a ski club and a book club that met monthly at a nearby chain bookstore. Within three months, while attending a wine and cheese party at her book club, Jackie met Mr. Right. They’ve been dating for more than a year and still going strong. By the way, Jackie has decided to spend more time with positive people and doing things that generate Good Vibrations in her life.

It’s hard to focus on our spiritual essence when our physical needs are not being met. This is why The Course of 10,000 Days™ emphasizes the importance of life balance in the three major areas of our physical dimension. They are: Self, Health, and Wealth. Once these needs are identified and your attention is focused on your intentions, you can begin to answer the second of life’s most important questions:

How do I achieve my higher purpose in this lifetime?

As The Course of 10,000 Days™ teaches us, we all have the same higher purpose in this lifetime. But, because we are uniquely different and possess special talents and the gift of free will, we pursue our higher purpose in many different ways. The end result is that some of us discover our higher purpose while others live a life of quiet desperation. Why is that?

The primary reason is analogous to the children’s story of the Three Little Pigs. You cannot build your life on straw principles and muddy routines and expect them to withstand the torrential threat of negativity, disappointment, and hardships. Life requires us to build our physical and spiritual temples of solid brick or stone so that we can overcome the periodic threats and storms that come our way. This means that our principles must be tried and tested. We must believe in ourselves so that we can overcome those moments of doubt when they come along. What The Course of 10,000 Days™ helped me discover was how to build a solid foundation so that I was strong enough to withstand the daily barrage of life’s challenges, negative news, and those unpleasant people who feel compelled to step on my sand castles. The Course™ also taught me how to discover purpose, peace, and passion in my life -- which are the keys to unlocking the gate of your spiritual dimension. Without discovering inner peace and your passion in life, it is impossible to find your higher purpose.

So, after much reflection and discussion, I believe these are life’s most difficult questions. The quest to discovering your higher purpose and then living it can be a rewarding one. But, it will require you to do all the things I’ve shared in this article.

If you’re looking for a positive resource to help you on your journey, I encourage you to consider The Course of 10,000 Days™ and the various programs offered by the 10,000 Days Foundation.

About the Author: Tom Hinton is president of the 10,000 Days Foundation. He is the author of four books including 10,000 Days: Finding Purpose, Peace, and Passion for the Rest of Your Life. Tom is also a popular and entertaining speaker at various conferences and meetings. For more information email him at tom@tomhinton.com